MY DEMISE

I was always an old soul
This is my chi coming back from
One of my pasts to haunt me.
I've always wondered why I don't
Fit.
Like, fit into this generation. :(
I am homely inside.
I like baking cookies and cakes, and sharing food
And thoughts with
Family and friends.
Introvert that I am, I hate meeting new people
And then get excited when I get to know 'em
But then keep them at a distance.
I only let few people in...no, scratch that.
I actually have lots of close friends,
But sometimes they disappoint.
I prefer the quiet, calm, country setting by the
Lake or fish pond to the
Loud hustle and bustle
Of city life.
But that's how I've always been.
I prefer Mozart, Beethoven, and Vivaldi
To hip hop and metal.
And that was me at four. FOUR!!
I was once a good girl. Always striving to please my
Parents, family, and God...
And I still do...well, kind of.
I don't really think God would be too pleased with me
Right about now. I mean, I try not to
Lie
Don't steal (at all)
I try to walk in His ways...
But like my Daddy always says, my hormones are raging!!
I am still an old soul when it comes to sex.
Sex
Everybody's crazy over a three-letter word.
Like if you don't do it, baby, you ain't done shitttt!!
I laugh in Swahili.
I watch from a distance how their lives go.
Unhappy sons of bitches.
I wish they could open their eyes.
They seem so miserable.
Never care to understand
The undressing of the body is inversely proportional to
The undressing of the soul.
Sex was once an act of love,
Once cherished and sacred and holy,
Mandated by the Him Above
To be shared by the one you love
And have fully committed to,
To spend your life with
To enjoy,
To undress your body and your soul
And give yourselves the gift of love.
But not today, nope.
Its cheaper than air
Preferred over sacrificial love
Even in church.
Don't get me wrong.
I like sex.
No...I looove sex.
But I will wait.
That was my plan since I began to understand
And to see.
If he loves me, he will wait.
We should all stop rushing
And just wait
Wait on God, wait on perfection
And wait on the gifts that add no sorrow
But can I? Can I really?
God gave me a revelation two Septembers ago
(Or was it August?...October??)
Of what would transpire in the coming months
Waves of Temptation
And it came to pass
But I guess I overcame
But it wasn't the end.
Just the mere beginning.
Now every moment I remember faces, I feel my hormones
Raging like those waves
He wants to try me...with sex?????????
Bring it on, God!
I just pray for Grace, 'cause this time around
Its getting crucial 'round here.
I swear down.
But some say it's not prohibited by Him,
That it's OK.
...
OK?
Well, let's all run our races
And see where we land
Because it might be OK in your book
But it's not OK in mine.
And that's OK.
I'm a Cancer...guess that's why I love too hard...
...And too damn much, lol.
Or maybe its just my old soul.
This old soul of mine will be my demise
And my salvation.

                                                           XOXO...ro